Mind your Ps and Qs

On my last adventure to the library, I picked up a book entitled Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior by Judith Martin. I was attracted to the book's lovely Tiffany blue and silver cover, but was unsure of how interesting and relevant its contents would be. In all honesty, Miss Manners is one of the most interesting and witty writers I have ever found! Judith Martin is considered to be the "gold standard" of etiquette advice for her years of work as a writer and columnist. This book is "freshly updated" and filled with entirely relevant and important guidelines about what to do when.
The chapter I have most enjoyed reading is the one entitled "Social Intercourse." I find her formula of conversation extremely interesting:

"Conversation consists of developing and playing with ideas by juxtapoing the accumulated conclusions of two or more people and then improvising on them. It requires such ingredients as information, experience, anecdotes, and opinions, but then being prepared to have them challenged and to contribute to a new mixture" (Martin 214).

I suppose I never thought about having a formula for a conversation, but Miss Manners offers this basic structure (paraphrased, of course- I am still working to attain her delightfully proper style of writing):
One speaker begins with a salutation and receives one in exchange. A speaker, usually the first, then makes a statement or asks a question, to which the other speaker responds with another comment or answer. The first speaker further inquires until a personal statement may be made, offering some sort of common ground between the two (or more) speakers. Upon finding a mutual topic of interest the conversation begins. Topics of conversation may be enhanced by short stories or changed entirely to keep all speakers interested and engaged. The speakers must respect other speakers and help them to feel comfortable by not offending their appearance, occupation, economic status, religious beliefs, and other such attributes. Bigotry and foul language must be avoided at all costs. This becomes tricky for many.

So there you have it! With these tips, I wish you the best of conversations and an utterly impressive lack of social awkwardness.


Some questions and answers from the witty and delightful Miss Manners:

"Dear Miss Manners:
When is a VASE a VAHZ?

Gentle Reader:
When it is filled with DAH-ZIES" (213).


"Dear Miss Manners:
What can you do after accidentally calling your present lover by your former lover's name?

Gentle Reader:
Seek a future lover. Such a mistake is easy to do and impossible to undo. Why do you think the term 'darling' was invented?" (350).


"Dear Miss Manners:
What do you consider a good conversation opener?

Gentle Reader:
Almost anything except, 'I've been on a wonderful journey of self-discovery lately, and I'd like to share it with you'" (214).



Check it out:
Martin, Judith. "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior". New York: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 2005.